Mergers and acquisitions are like arranged marriages: awkward at first, but they work out with time, collaboration, and a lot of humility. Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of leading integration efforts in a variety of M&A scenarios—each with unique challenges and opportunities. If you’re in the trenches of an acquisition or merger, here are some lessons I’ve learned that might help you navigate the chaos.

My M&A Experiences

GrubHub Acquires FanGo

In 2011, GrubHub acquired FanGo, a groundbreaking technology designed to enable food delivery within stadiums. At the time, this was an incredibly innovative concept. We integrated their order printing technology, which eventually paved the way for the tablets you now see at restaurant registers everywhere. The founders, Collin and Jim, were visionary and excellent partners, which made the modest integration straightforward. Their small development team fit well with our Chicago-based operation.

GrubHub Acquires Dotmenu

Next came the acquisition of Dotmenu, the parent company of Campusfood and Allmenus. This integration was more complex, involving a team with diverse functions located in New York City. The lack of colocation added logistical challenges, and we attempted to introduce one of the first apps for delivery drivers during this period. It was a great learning experience, highlighting the complexities of integrating across geographies and functions.

The Big Kahuna: GrubHub Merges with Seamless

In 2013, GrubHub merged with Seamless—our biggest competitor at the time. Before the merger, Seamless was such a focal point of competition that we’d banned the word “seamless” from our meetings. I had spent countless hours analyzing their products, finding gaps and opportunities for improvement, and suddenly, I was working alongside the team I’d been dissecting. Each member of their team had an alter ego on ours, which made for a fascinating dynamic. Despite the initial awkwardness, the merger brought insights and opportunities to build something even better together.

Key Lessons from M&A Integrations

Relationships Matter More Than Anything Else

A lot of the work during an acquisition requires emotional intelligence. Building relationships with the other company’s team—from the CEO to the receptionist—is invaluable. The goodwill created through personal connections can smooth over challenges and foster collaboration.

Check Your Ego at the Door

Egos can derail progress. Employees from the acquired company may feel entitled because they were “chosen,” while employees from the acquiring company might feel superior as the “bigger fish.” Both mindsets are counterproductive. Successful managers address and minimize egos early to keep everyone focused on shared goals.

The Acquirer Sets the Direction

Almost always, one company is the formal acquirer, and they hold the long-term decision-making power. While input from both sides is valuable, the acquirer ultimately decides the direction of the combined firm. Understanding this dynamic helps set realistic expectations.

Build First, Talk Later

Theoretical discussions about processes and workflows often lead to frustration and gridlock. Instead, prioritize building something tangible together. When GrubHub and Seamless merged, we decided to rebuild and combine our consumer websites. This project not only improved the product but also created a shared sense of purpose and camaraderie among the teams.

Philosophical Differences Are Inevitable

Merging companies means merging cultures, philosophies, and approaches. When differences arise, seek to understand the rationale behind them. However, recognize that not every decision will be negotiable. Refer back to Lesson #3: the acquirer sets the direction.

Reflecting on M&A

If I’m honest, I really enjoyed the mergers and acquisitions I played a part in. They were challenging, sure, but immensely rewarding when they worked out. Few experiences in business offer the same mix of strategy, psychology, and innovation.

M&A can feel chaotic, overwhelming, and emotional, but it’s also an opportunity to build something greater than the sum of its parts. With humility, collaboration, and a bias for action, you can turn awkward beginnings into successful partnerships.